It's A Small World....

We learn so much about each other on our drive to "the team lunch" on Thursday's. Solving the world's problems from a multi national perspective is the typical topic of discussion on the bus ride to our lunch venue. Last Thursday was a little different. One of the guys, who is not a Christian, wanted to know who went to church and how often; he's been watching the election campaigns and sees that religion plays a big role in American culture and politics.

None of us in the car were particularly religulous, but I did discover that my buddy Steve had been an alter boy. This gives me a new appreciation of Steve as I too had that childhood experience. In a gesture of sympathy I said to Steve, "I was an alter boy too. Just remember, time heals all wounds". To which Steve replied, "this is very true, but it doesn't always keep you from walking funny".

Disclaimer:

No alter boys were harmed in the writing of this post. All inferences and opinions of the content of this posting are the sole responsibility of the reader and do not necessarily reflect those of the writer. The word religulous is not mispelled.

It's the truth!

I went on a docent led tour of the Henry Ford Museum not long ago here in Dearborn. The group was directed through a section dedicated to aviation history. We stopped just below an early commercial helicopter where our docent started his instruction. He said, "above us is an early commercial helicoter based on a design by Igor Sikorski." "Did you know", he went on, "that Igor Sikorski had a commercially viable helicopter design at the time of the Russian revolution?" I found this information enthralling and wanting to get a clearer picture of the time frame I asked, "Bolshevik?" His answer was, "no, I'm telling the truth".

Handsome women and English comedy

I work with an internationally diverse group of people and we always talk about the most interesting things. I don't know how it happened but my English colleague and I found ourselves on the topic of "handsome" women. He had never heard the term before and in my effort to explain I used Julia Child as an example. I thought I was in the clear but, to my dismay, he had never heard of Julia Child. Now I was in trouble. Not only was I on the hook to define handsome in the context of women, I was now on the hook to explain who is Julia Child.

Never shrinking from a challenge I sought to give my definition in terms that an Englishman could understand. I said, "Julia Child is a large-ish, motherly looking woman with a shrill quality to her voice; a lot like the typical male English comedian who does his bits in drag". "That's what a handsome woman is", I said. Now he understood.

I must have triggered some fond memories for my friend. We kept the discussion going by talking about his favorite English comedians. He ended up telling me about a popular comedy couple called Reeves and Mortimer. He sent me a YouTube link to educate me about Reeves and Mortimer.

Double clicking the link I was instantly slapped in the face by the image of two grown men in polyester clothes, singing impossibly ridiculous songs. I could understand the words but I just didn't get it. On my own I searched for more Reeves and Morimer stuff on YouTube. I was able to find a near endless supply of R&M skits and bits, all of which left me a bit puzzled.

I told my friend about watching a few R&M skits on YouTube. He giggled to himself and said, "they're brilliant!" He went on to say that most of their stuff was based on a variety of characters. I replied, "are any of them funny?"

I want my mommy..........

John McCain keeps calling himself a maverick. There was a TV series in the late 50's and early 60's about some travelling gamblers who used dirty tricks and high jinks to swindle the locals out of their hard earned pay. That's not the maverick John wants to be, is it?

Unsure of the real definition of maverick, I went to my trusty on-line dictionary. This is what I found;

mav·er·ick (măv'er-ĭk, măv'rĭk)
n.
1. An unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it.

Any way you slice it the term maverick isn't so flattering. I wonder if the big oil lobby has their iron in the fire?

New additions

That's Dusty on the left and Tiger on the right. This sister and brother combo is a new addtion to my household. I have the scabby scratch marks on my knees to prove it. They prefer me to the store bought scratching post I got for them.

One track mind............

I went to a house party last Sunday. Most of the people there were "Hockey Parents", who tend to be a little rough around the edges. Our hostess, in an effort to make the party sociable, placed Trivial Pursuit cards on all the tables so people could read and answer questions while they ate. It turned out to be a brilliant and effective plan. It's easier to make small talk when you don't have to come up with anything fresh, on your own.

One of the men there, who looked and acted a little like "the dude" but with short hair, had a way of finding a lot of correct answers. He would blurt them out as soon as his thoughts would let him. One of the questions was, "what is the highest lake in South America?" He shouted, "Lake Titicaca". Everyone was silent at the quickness of his answer. Then from somewhere in the shadows a woman's voice says, "no it's not...............you just like saying that". We all erupted into uncontrollable laughter. Come to find out later he was right, but for a short moment we had our doubt.

Do you think anyone will notice?

I like David Gergen. He's been on TV a lot lately commenting on this year's presidential election. He always has an interesting and mature perspective of the candidates and the issues and his students at Harvard have a wonderfully insightful mentor. All that said, do you think anyone will notice he has a comb-over? Its seems strange that a man with high confidence in his political knowledge would not have the same confidence in his baldness.

Hey!, where did everybody go............?

I've noticed that GM is offering their employee discount to all their customers. Now that they hardly have any employees left and the new ones they hire don't make enough to buy new cars, they have to come up with enough sales to keep their plants running. I really doubt that the employees they have left are really members of the "working man's" car market. Sometimes you get what you ask for.....

The sign said.........

I went to Art Van furniture store over the weekend to pick up a few items to round out my living room. I was attracted to an area of the show room that had a baby grand piano. It wasn't the piano that got my attention but that a young man was there beautifully playing Mozart; I think it was piano sonata 17. He was good. 

Looking over his shoulder I could see a sign perched on the music stand that read, "DO NOT PLAY THE PIANO". I figured no one really minded, as half the sales staff was there watching the concert, like me. When he finished I said to him, "you play very well for someone that doesn't read"; trying for a light hearted complement. He got a little red in the face and said, "I love it so much I can't resist".

Philosophy

A dyslexic philosopher spends his time contemplating the existence of dog.

Wheels of Fortune

This is a Harley-Davidson VRSCDX NIGHT ROD® SPECIAL. The sales guy told me that for an extra $200, "you can buy a vowel".

Swimmers

Always inspired by the current Olympic competition, my group at work spends a little time each day discussing yesterday's outcomes. During one of the discussions about swimming, it was observed that most, if not all, world class swimmers are tall.

The tall one in our group is around 6' 6"; he's the one that dropped me off with the day care guys . Always interested in the lives of my colleagues I asked if he'd ever thought about swimming competitively. He said, "I think about it all the time". He went on to say that "it looks like a lot of work" and "I think about never, ever, doing anything that looks that painful......all the time".

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way...........

My mom had a family reunion yesterday at her house. All us kids were supposed to bring a dish to pass. Understanding my talents in the kitchen and lack of motivation on weekends, it was off to the local grocery store for professionally prepared picnic salads. They had a nice looking "Greek" style shell noodle salad. The counter lady let me taste a sample to close the deal on an order for three and a half pounds of feta cheese laden heaven.

While my salad was being skillfully scooped and weighed, a nice grandmotherly lady walked up to the counter. She was roughly the age of my own mother and had noticeably unsteady hands. Never missing an opportunity for conspicuousness and audacity, I started a conversation with this very friendly lady. "You've got to try this Greek noodle salad; it's delicious", I said. She asked if I was having a party and I told her that I was going to a back yard picnic but was too lazy to fix something at home.

Continuing my "routine" I said, "you must have experience with lazy men laying on the sofa around your house?" She admitted that perhaps she was familiar with that particilar situation. In the same breath she went on to say that she thought that maybe I would be a good husband.

Feeling a bit impish and never willing to pass up a vertual "slam dunk" I said, "are you looking for a husband?" "If you are", I went on, "then today is your lucky day because I just happen to already be a husband." Feeling somewhat self satisfied with my show of wit I was quite surprized to hear her response. She said, "I know you probably are a great husband, but please call me if you ever feel like being bad." She's lucky I wasn't drinking milk when she said that. I'm sure I would have sprayed the walls as it passed through my nose.

Totally Hot

Up until recently I've been suffering from "electile dysfunction"; you know, when you can't get excited about any of the candidates running for an office. That's all changed, now that Paris has thrown whatever that article of clothing is into the ring......yeah, her hat. Check out her ad; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1smT8obR0sU

Gymboree

Last week I went to my company's annual golf outing. After a very long round of 18 holes the teams came into the clubhouse for beverages and trash talk about the round. Since I am working on a project at the customer site, the only other company employees I know are the ones that work with me, off site.

I was making small talk with a thirty-ish colleague of mine, with whom I share a cubical at the customer location. I could tell he was a bit distracted when all of a sudden he said, "you've got to meet these guys". He was looking across the room and seemed excited to introduce me. I was happy to make some new acquaintances as that was the whole point of participating in the golf outing. So I followed him across the room.

There, he introduced me to Jim and Russ, a couple of salty looking cusses. They were friendly enough, but something didn't feel right. After exchanging our "how-do-you-dos" I turned to see my young friend walking away to join a different group of young, hipsters. Then it dawned on me.....I had just been dropped off at the day care center for old dudes.

Wow!!

I saw a video on the NY Times website of a recent interview with Mark Spitz, the former Olympic swimming champion. He said something I found very profound. He said, "for that one moment in time I realized that I was the yardstick that other people measured themselves by". Wow!.......At some time in each of our lives we all could say the same thing, especially those of us with children. It caused me to examine my own life. Then I smiled. My kids are doing OK and if they are drawing inspiration from me, then I'm doing OK too.

Energy Saving

I have been thinking about upgrading my kitchen with granite counter tops. They're beautiful, easy to clean and often priced better than man-made materials. There might be another reason to get granite counter tops; energy saving. I've heard that granite quarried from Brazil and Africa can have significant amounts of radioactive uranium in them. As long as I can keep the kitchen ventilated well enough to keep any radioactive emissives out of the air, I can have a counter top that will act as an alternate cooking element; just set my pot down and watch it boil.

I Can't Remember When My Sinuses Were So Clear

If you can't remember the last time you could breathe freely, now you will. I saw a story about Russian researchers now treating Alzheimer's patients with a drug that was originally developed as a sinus medication. The drug appears to be effective in improving short term memory and daily functioning. They didn't say if the discovery was planned or by accident. Guess it doesn't matter. We should be thankful that aunt Betty at the nursing home was whistling through her nose as she napped. I think she is.

Rock and Roll

As you can see, I'm not the only guy to make the Warp Tour a family event. This young lady seemed to be at home in a sea of tattoos and piercings. Her and her dad were havin' a good time; she's on his shoulders. BTW, you got a wrist band if you were over 21. As you can see, me and the guy in the foreground were the only adults in the neighborhood.

But Seriously Folks........

I'm taking a break from the usual stuff I post to tell you about my boys. That's Greg on the left and Joe on the right. In parent-eese they are 208 and 258 months old respectively. They'll both be seniors next year; Greg at Dearborn HS and Joe at Wayne State U. They're both terrific kids and make me proud. This picture was taken at the Warp Tour Concert at Comerica Park in Detroit. We were celebrating and there is a lot to celebrate.

You see, Joe has been working hard the last few months, preparing for the MCAT for medical college. The test date just happened to fall on the same day  as the Warp Tour, which happens to be Greg's favorite annual event; we went last year and my ears are still ringing. Greg had the idea to "treat" Joe by getting him a ticket to the event. That way Joe could join him after the test and they could celebrate together.

I have reason to celebrate too. Joe's successful college career; him taking the MCAT; Greg sharing his passions with Joe and doing something nice for his big brother. Most of all I celebrate knowing they include each other in the celebrations of their lives.

I Know What Boys Like

This is Black Canary Barbie. She was introduced by Mattel this year. The character in DC comics has a "sonic scream" that shatters objects and renders villains incapacitated. For me, the boots and stockings leave me motionless and drooling.

Anyway, I'm thinking, what is the market for this doll?; girls who want to be super heroines, tough chicks, dates for NY governors? I think they're looking for a cross over market. Maybe this doll will appeal to some boys. Kinda like Playgirl magazine. Claims to offer fantasy to women but subscriptions and news rack sales go mostly to men. Very smart on the part of Mattel. So don't worry too much when your son asks for one. It's most likely a phase and Mattel planned it; "not that there's anything wrong with that". You might worry a little if your husband buys one :)

Success

Someone once said that, "you never really lose until you stop trying". I guess being behind on points when time runs out isn't losing.

Victim

This is Debra LaFave. She's the Tampa school teacher who had sex with one of her 14 year old junior high students. Her ex-husband said in an interview that if she'd have been a man and the victim a girl, she'd be going to jail for a long time; I think he wants that fate for her.

The news also interviewed the victim in this case to get his reaction to Mr. LaFave's comments. His reply was, "I"m not the victim. Tommy's the victim. She was going to do him when she was done with me".

Warm Bodies

Come to find out that the guy who hired me for my present job is only responsible for finding warm bodies and NOT disposing of cold ones. One of the guys I work with told me a story where he had to take a colleague from another assignment to the hospital for what could have been a life threatening situation. They called the supervisor to report the incident and never.......NEVER.......got a reply. My company must have a different department for that.

Ken Dolls

Funny how the same people keep showing up in the news these days. Two news stories have caught my eye recently. The first being Christie Brinkley's divorce and the second being Olivia Newton John's wedding. All within days of each other. Don't you think Olivia could have done better than recycling Christie's leftovers? They are the same guy aren't they? I think he was running for president earlier this year too.

Dimples

I used to think that dimples are cute. That thought might have changed for me after drying off in front of a mirrored shower door. It's a matter of where they are.

Check-up

Went for a physical check-up recently. The doctor told me he was going to give me a digital exam. I thought it had something to do with a computer. Boy was I wrong.........ughhhhh. He gave me a pamphlet on prostate disease that I took back to work with me.

At work, I started reading the pamphlet. After perusing the pamplet for a while I set is down, open to a list of symptoms;

a) irritability

b) back pain

c) frequent night time urination

d) loss of interest or difficulty with sex

A colleague passing my desk read the list and commented, "I think my wife has this".

Ordinary Living

Everyone lives pretty much the same life...............................it's just that some of us will lose a finger.

Athlete's Foot

I have the soul of an artist...........................and the socks of an athlete.

This observation was inspired by a very dear friend's observation of me.

It Left A Scar, Size Extra Large

Within the past two and a half years I've been left with no job, no job (I'm not repeating), no father, no cat, no appendix, no food and no belly button. What I'm left with is amplitude, attitude, certitude, crassitude, decrepitude, definitude, exactitude, fortitude, gratitude, habitude, hebetude, lassitude, latitude, magnitude, mansuetude, multitude, platitude, plenitude, pulchritude :), quietude, rectitude, servitude, solitude, turpitude, vastitude, vicissitude and what else dude. Oh, and a very large scar.