Totally Hot

Up until recently I've been suffering from "electile dysfunction"; you know, when you can't get excited about any of the candidates running for an office. That's all changed, now that Paris has thrown whatever that article of clothing is into the ring......yeah, her hat. Check out her ad; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1smT8obR0sU

Gymboree

Last week I went to my company's annual golf outing. After a very long round of 18 holes the teams came into the clubhouse for beverages and trash talk about the round. Since I am working on a project at the customer site, the only other company employees I know are the ones that work with me, off site.

I was making small talk with a thirty-ish colleague of mine, with whom I share a cubical at the customer location. I could tell he was a bit distracted when all of a sudden he said, "you've got to meet these guys". He was looking across the room and seemed excited to introduce me. I was happy to make some new acquaintances as that was the whole point of participating in the golf outing. So I followed him across the room.

There, he introduced me to Jim and Russ, a couple of salty looking cusses. They were friendly enough, but something didn't feel right. After exchanging our "how-do-you-dos" I turned to see my young friend walking away to join a different group of young, hipsters. Then it dawned on me.....I had just been dropped off at the day care center for old dudes.

Wow!!

I saw a video on the NY Times website of a recent interview with Mark Spitz, the former Olympic swimming champion. He said something I found very profound. He said, "for that one moment in time I realized that I was the yardstick that other people measured themselves by". Wow!.......At some time in each of our lives we all could say the same thing, especially those of us with children. It caused me to examine my own life. Then I smiled. My kids are doing OK and if they are drawing inspiration from me, then I'm doing OK too.

Energy Saving

I have been thinking about upgrading my kitchen with granite counter tops. They're beautiful, easy to clean and often priced better than man-made materials. There might be another reason to get granite counter tops; energy saving. I've heard that granite quarried from Brazil and Africa can have significant amounts of radioactive uranium in them. As long as I can keep the kitchen ventilated well enough to keep any radioactive emissives out of the air, I can have a counter top that will act as an alternate cooking element; just set my pot down and watch it boil.

I Can't Remember When My Sinuses Were So Clear

If you can't remember the last time you could breathe freely, now you will. I saw a story about Russian researchers now treating Alzheimer's patients with a drug that was originally developed as a sinus medication. The drug appears to be effective in improving short term memory and daily functioning. They didn't say if the discovery was planned or by accident. Guess it doesn't matter. We should be thankful that aunt Betty at the nursing home was whistling through her nose as she napped. I think she is.

Rock and Roll

As you can see, I'm not the only guy to make the Warp Tour a family event. This young lady seemed to be at home in a sea of tattoos and piercings. Her and her dad were havin' a good time; she's on his shoulders. BTW, you got a wrist band if you were over 21. As you can see, me and the guy in the foreground were the only adults in the neighborhood.

But Seriously Folks........

I'm taking a break from the usual stuff I post to tell you about my boys. That's Greg on the left and Joe on the right. In parent-eese they are 208 and 258 months old respectively. They'll both be seniors next year; Greg at Dearborn HS and Joe at Wayne State U. They're both terrific kids and make me proud. This picture was taken at the Warp Tour Concert at Comerica Park in Detroit. We were celebrating and there is a lot to celebrate.

You see, Joe has been working hard the last few months, preparing for the MCAT for medical college. The test date just happened to fall on the same day  as the Warp Tour, which happens to be Greg's favorite annual event; we went last year and my ears are still ringing. Greg had the idea to "treat" Joe by getting him a ticket to the event. That way Joe could join him after the test and they could celebrate together.

I have reason to celebrate too. Joe's successful college career; him taking the MCAT; Greg sharing his passions with Joe and doing something nice for his big brother. Most of all I celebrate knowing they include each other in the celebrations of their lives.

I Know What Boys Like

This is Black Canary Barbie. She was introduced by Mattel this year. The character in DC comics has a "sonic scream" that shatters objects and renders villains incapacitated. For me, the boots and stockings leave me motionless and drooling.

Anyway, I'm thinking, what is the market for this doll?; girls who want to be super heroines, tough chicks, dates for NY governors? I think they're looking for a cross over market. Maybe this doll will appeal to some boys. Kinda like Playgirl magazine. Claims to offer fantasy to women but subscriptions and news rack sales go mostly to men. Very smart on the part of Mattel. So don't worry too much when your son asks for one. It's most likely a phase and Mattel planned it; "not that there's anything wrong with that". You might worry a little if your husband buys one :)

Success

Someone once said that, "you never really lose until you stop trying". I guess being behind on points when time runs out isn't losing.

Victim

This is Debra LaFave. She's the Tampa school teacher who had sex with one of her 14 year old junior high students. Her ex-husband said in an interview that if she'd have been a man and the victim a girl, she'd be going to jail for a long time; I think he wants that fate for her.

The news also interviewed the victim in this case to get his reaction to Mr. LaFave's comments. His reply was, "I"m not the victim. Tommy's the victim. She was going to do him when she was done with me".

Warm Bodies

Come to find out that the guy who hired me for my present job is only responsible for finding warm bodies and NOT disposing of cold ones. One of the guys I work with told me a story where he had to take a colleague from another assignment to the hospital for what could have been a life threatening situation. They called the supervisor to report the incident and never.......NEVER.......got a reply. My company must have a different department for that.

Ken Dolls

Funny how the same people keep showing up in the news these days. Two news stories have caught my eye recently. The first being Christie Brinkley's divorce and the second being Olivia Newton John's wedding. All within days of each other. Don't you think Olivia could have done better than recycling Christie's leftovers? They are the same guy aren't they? I think he was running for president earlier this year too.

Dimples

I used to think that dimples are cute. That thought might have changed for me after drying off in front of a mirrored shower door. It's a matter of where they are.

Check-up

Went for a physical check-up recently. The doctor told me he was going to give me a digital exam. I thought it had something to do with a computer. Boy was I wrong.........ughhhhh. He gave me a pamphlet on prostate disease that I took back to work with me.

At work, I started reading the pamphlet. After perusing the pamplet for a while I set is down, open to a list of symptoms;

a) irritability

b) back pain

c) frequent night time urination

d) loss of interest or difficulty with sex

A colleague passing my desk read the list and commented, "I think my wife has this".

Ordinary Living

Everyone lives pretty much the same life...............................it's just that some of us will lose a finger.

Athlete's Foot

I have the soul of an artist...........................and the socks of an athlete.

This observation was inspired by a very dear friend's observation of me.

It Left A Scar, Size Extra Large

Within the past two and a half years I've been left with no job, no job (I'm not repeating), no father, no cat, no appendix, no food and no belly button. What I'm left with is amplitude, attitude, certitude, crassitude, decrepitude, definitude, exactitude, fortitude, gratitude, habitude, hebetude, lassitude, latitude, magnitude, mansuetude, multitude, platitude, plenitude, pulchritude :), quietude, rectitude, servitude, solitude, turpitude, vastitude, vicissitude and what else dude. Oh, and a very large scar.

Profiling in the Courts

My mother always told me never to judge a book by it's cover, and I pretty much have taken that to heart. Everyone should be judge on their own personal character and not by some set of social stereotypes. Right?? Well, apparently the courts don't have to. They are free to stack the deck in their own favor based on a set of prejudices.

I was called to jury duty. This is a responsibility I personally take very seriously. I had actually been selected to sit as juror #7. During Voire Dire, (that's when they interview the jurors), it came out that I am an engineer. The interview went like this; "Jurors #7 and #4, you say you are engineers. Have you ever heard any lawyer jokes?" Yes was my reply. "Have you ever heard any engineer jokes?" Again my answer was simply yes. "Do you think that these jokes are based on stereotypes?" Any person with any social skills would know that jokes usually are based on stereotypes. I'm wondering what is the point of her questions and comments. It wasn't long till I found out. The judge asked the prosecutor if she had any peremptory challenges (that's when they dismiss jurors, just because). She replied, I'd like to excuse juror #7.

I felt violated; unjustly deprived of one of the few opportunities I'd have to serve the public interest. Most people would be glad to get out of jury duty, but for me it was a revelation that the state is free to deprive anyone they want at any level if it helps their case. Fairness has nothing to do with it; it's all about winning.

Invisible

I've been blessed (I'll just say blessed) with shiny gray hair. On more than one occasion people have told me that, "you have such nice looking hair and if it weren't for L'Oreal I'd have the same color". Naturally my response is, "why not let yours go?" The typical response I get is, "oh no, I could never let myself go gray..........it looks sooooo much better on you." Hmmmmm.

I started going gray in my 30's (you'll have to guess how long ago that was). It was then that I discovered that graying hair is a progressive loss of pigment, not only in the hair but in the skin as well. Since then I've noticed that as the years go by I'm slowly fading. It's only a matter of time before you can see completely through me. Of course, the people closest to me can already see through me.

Life Changing Capsule

The other night I fell asleep with the TV on. Groggy and in a dreamless state between unconsciousness and faint cognition I heard a voice on the TV say, "life changing capsule". Being a child of the Space Race my imagination was immediately whisked away to an earlier time in my life. A black & white memory of a freckle faced 2nd grader on a playground adventure, staring into the sky with his bald headed friend whose baldness was caused by a disease that was named after a river that flows through Pittsburgh. A youngster dumbstruck with excitement and the notion that a man was strapped to a space capsule, speeding high above the earth, in orbit (whatever that was).

Managing to finally pry my eyes open I half expected to see a promo for a Discovery Channel documentary about America's early space program. A show of the "Right Stuff" I had witnessed personally as a child along with an amazed nation. But when the blear faded all I saw was the face of a young, eager looking man, making a sales pitch for one of those "male enhancement" pills. In an instant I came to realize that since the time of our first space flights, America had eventually redefined the meaning of machismo.

Regrets Only

No, you have not been blessed with an invitation to a party from which you can only extricate yourself by talking to the host. I'm talking about regret. There are two types. Regret for past actions and regret for inaction. When you're young you might concentrate on trying to clean up your messes that come from youthful exuberance and a little alcohol. And no matter how bad your behavior, as long as no one loses an eye or worse, you can always accept it as a learning experience.

Real regret comes from not doing something; not pursuing a dream, an object, a passion, a situation. I think about that a lot these days. Just don't want to pull into the terminal at the end of the trip and think that there were a few stops I should have made on the way. Must be getting reflective as I ripen.

Grass Clippings

This one is for Mary. I too have a hard time getting all those little grass faux-hawks that get left each mower pass because the blade isn't wide enough to cut along the wheel path. It's my fault though. In my effort to go green I purchased an electric mower. Nice and quiet and no gas to burn my grass and empty my wallet. It has a nineteen inch wheel base and an eighteen inch diameter blade.......grrrrrr. I've learned that if you line the center of the blade up with the wheel track you stand a good chance of knocking down the mini-hedge rows that would otherwise get left behind. It takes half again as much time to cut the lawn, but what else would I be doing on a weekend.................yeah, helping Dave cut Mary's lawn and drinking beer. I feel your pain (in my best Bill Clinton voice).

Robot Love

In a world of robots, girls like boys for their artificial intelligence and their sincerity simulators.

What Women Want

So I'm standing in line at Starbucks and the lady i n front of me orders a mint mocha chip frappuccino double shot with a touch of caramel and whipped cream. I'm thinking that this is a complicated order. So I whisper to her, "you probably don't have that many requirements of the men you date. She smiles and says, "you're right". "They have to be single and have a job".

I guess she's right. Even a guy with seemingly unattractive traits can find romance. Look at Quasimodo. He managed to win the affections of the fair maiden. Even on a bell ringers wages.

Drinking Problem

Those that know me know I have a problem with drinking. It's evident mostly on my shirts. I enjoy my coffee but I get so jittery that I almost always spill a little and when people ask about the stain I tell them it's the aftermath of my libation offering; the gods do love me.

Just about every social event I have ever attended will have some sort of beverage available of which some always finds it's way to the fabric. I suppose it's best to join the celebration and risk a stain. I avoid getting in shape so that by belly protects my pants from the spillage. I couldn't afford the cleaning bills. Wonder if there's a 12 step program I could join? Later I'll tell you about my eating disorder.

Stages of Grief

I think everyone has heard of and understands the seven stages of grief; 1) shock 2) denial 3) bargaining 4) guilt 5) anger 6) depression and 7) acceptance. It helps us cope with sad events in our lives. When you look at each of the stages you may notice that there is an odd similarity to other events and processes.

Let's look at getting arrested. You have all seven stages of grief within this process and a few more. Somewhere between shock and denial, let's call it step 1a, you have Miranda Warning. Steps 2a and 2 b involve "appointment of counsel" and and "arraignment". I'd personally place depression in parallel with nearly every step of the process; don't ask how I know this.

Depending on how lucky you were at step 2a will determine what stage 4 is. In the courts you have two choices; guilt or non-guilt as innocent people don't find themselves in such predicaments. As with stage 4 stage 5 will have a choice of two outcomes; anger or relief.

Did I say that depression follows you throughout the entire process? I guess I did. And finally, both processes end in acceptance. Yes, acceptance of your pending immurement where you'll get three square meals per day, a warm place to sleep and a full dance card, or you'll be free. How much fun would that be?